Note to self.

It has been long since I blogged here. Of a night full of negativity maybe I need to outpour my emotions. 

The past weeks have been tough, having to push through my sales. Really looking at how bad I am in it. Although I look fine but it's killing my inside, I really want to achieve but I am doing nothing like that. 

Seeing how other girl get to visit their BF, I felt sad. I couldn't afford to, having to ask this amount of money from my mum don't make sense at all. 

Tired of all these shits that nobody sees. 

Outlet.

There's this random sadness from within today, maybe it's prolly the PMS period, emotional breakdown once again. 

Sometimes I feel so tired 

Tired of putting up a strong front.

Tired of trying to be mature.

Tired of trying to be understanding.

Tired of trying to listen.

Tired of being who I am now.

What can I do.

I really don't know what's the best option I can choose to handle the situation I am in. I just want to escape, but I know I can't. Time to sleep, tomorrow will be better. At least I hope it will be 😪

I really have no idea how long more I can hang on.

London bridge is falling down.

Having dizziness for the past few days already. I really wonder if there something wrong with my body now, it's scary just by thinking about it. But the funny thing is nobody feels that I am serious about my dizziness, like I will always get well one. Having this dizziness with me for the past few days really freaks me out, trying my very very best to act normal. When I am feeling so horrible, eat feels like puking, sit feels the whole world is falling. I don't have to let anyone know, one thing I concluded on. Did you realized you are going through the process of dying every night when you fall asleep? When you decide to let go of your mind and you lose consciousness. 

Having to handle my family matters and telling myself I will be fine, I will be strong enough to go through all this shits. Maybe it's just a challenge I had to go through, just part and parcel of my life. 

Really tired of all these drama in life, I need a break. But nobody understands because they see that I am always smiling on the outside. "I need a break,I really really do. I don't know when I will snap."

Feel like pouring my mind with someone but there's no one at this hour. 

Naaa.

Kinda a bored day today. Sometimes it's the emptiness within yourself that really kills, it kills so badly.

Do you sometimes feel how you can't get negativity off you and somehow hoped people around you can be more understanding during that period of time? When they see that you are trying your best and be more understanding instead of picking on you because at those time you can't handle your own emotions. Those emotions of emptiness, burden, irritation, extra sets in. So much so, life just doesn't happen this way, at these time you feel how people walked out, how they judge and let you be with yourself. 

How I wished I could handle myself, but who is that perfect one? 

We always see thing in our perspective then you neglected everything that came along. 

Just a little bit more. I always want to enjoy, why I can't :/