Reflection

FAMILY
Growing up from a single parent doesn't seems to be as easy as it is.
I had no sibling so no one to talk to
I kept everything to myself
I had to grow up & be more mature then the people of my age
As my mum had trained me.
Sometimes i just simply hate my mum why cant i live like normal children & enjoyed my childhood
but i know i cant blame as i have to learn to take care of myself as my mum had to work to earn money for me living in comfort to have no worries of not having money.
While my mum worked so hard to earn money sometimes is just simply showed her my temper & talk back to her.
I know I am wrong but i just simply cant control my temper,i am sorry.
I know mum will nvr looked at my blog even she had my url.
she have always neglect me thinking that i had grown up and she will have no worries about me.
why must it be like that?
though i am mature but im only 14 how mature i am i will still have a childish side isn't it.
I kept secret especially when i buy things as i know she wont allow.
she nvr know what i want.
she nvr ever had a serious thought of to buy what kind of present for me.
living of the past 14 years i got no surprises in my life that i got from her.
so my life is so dull as u can see...
i do ask for surprise from her & she will always replied saying she's so busy & still big still wants surprise.
what can i say?
just stand there & act as though nothing happened.
whenever i tried to tell her how i felt she nvr listen.
even if she listen she will find that the thing i said is nothing to trouble about.
i want to said it out cos i want to be fren with her,to talk to her like a friend not as a mum but that doesn't not seems to happen.
& she expect me to listen to everything she says.
i feel trouble there's always not ways i can show her my true feeling.
whenever i tried i will end up talking against her.
whenever i heard others people parent talking about their child,
they know there child so much
sometimes i do wonder if she's ask about me
how much she knows?
or maybe she know something
but i think that will always be more bad part about me than good.
maybe that's the life fated for me.
so i just have to live through it.
cos i know without my mum i wont be here so comfortable having so much things i want.
Though icomplained about this & that,
i do know "I Love My Mum"
& that's ways that i can says thing from the bottom of my heart
if not i will go crazy.
sometimes i do hate myself.
why cant i make my mum proud of me?
being able to study well
getting good results.
FRIEND
For the past years i had nvr met a friend like her
she's so meticulous & so thoughtful.
but dunno why towards her i will show want to show her my temper this & that.
which is i will only showed it to my mum.
maybe I had already treat her as my best fren.
showing the true me.
but i know she will be easily scared by me
or hurt by my if i does that.
as what my mum had said.
I know so i kept everything.
sometimes i hate thing she does but i just kept in back in my heart nvr to let her know.
now that i know it's wrong.
there were a few months we didn't talk to one another.
without her "nagging" sms i had thought in the past reminding me to bring this & that
I do tend to forget to bring it to school.
While doing group work i see her doing with other groups so well done
as she always so careful & always wants to try her best to do well in whatever task is given.
While the group i am in with all those heck care attitude
maybe i just missed the times when i am grouping with her.
that times i tried to go with the boys after school going for lunch
but i still missed the time with her
when we had lunch together talking...
through those time i understand these words:
人总是在失去后才学者珍惜
Human always cherish after they lost it.
I read her blog almost everyday
to know how she felt & what happen.
whenever from her word she felt sad i feel guilty that i brought her to that if i am still as well with her she wont get hurt.
iris,im sorry.
so i decided to get back with her.
though i know that we wont be as well as before already
so i will just stay by her side and i will always lent her my listening ear whenever she needs it.
when she is in japan the sms she send me i sense that she's unhappy
& dunno why i just kept having a stone in my heart & wondering how's she is.
until her last sms saying that she is no longer unhappy that the stone in my heart is put down.
only now that i know that she's so important to me
but is seems impossible that we can get back to the time that we get back to the time when we had recess lunch together.
so happy & we will talk of whatever topics that comes to our mind
& that isn't important to me now
what is important is that u are happy & no emo-ing.

P.s: after this my blog will have no secret no hypocrite only words from my mind.