L.O.V.E

No I am not talking about relationship love. Mum took the initiative to give me a hug and kiss me before I left home today. She said I love you to me. That was probably the very few times she told me this, normally I am always the one saying it to her then she will reply me in a very brush off matter like "ah, i love you too" but it's her saying so I was quite shocked although I did not show the "shockness" in my face. I used to feel my mum is someone who keeps too many things to herself, even when she faces me she hide a lot of emotion or feeling to herself. I always wanted to listen but the wall she has inside her is too deep or the lock is too strong to break open. But you can't blame her, a women who went through so much, she learnt it hard the harsh cruel reality of life. You would rather keep things to yourself then allow yourself to be open and hurt by others. Maybe because she went for the lessons I felt her changes, I glad she changed to be a happier her. That's what I want to see in her. If she's happy, I will definitely be too :) 

had the worst foot massage today, almost every point the masseur press on my foot is painful then he kept mentioning that I have to sleep early, don't try to lose weight, I should eat proper meals. BLAH. the back part was even worst, I swear my tears burst out like a bit. Seriously, it was damn pain. I felt as thought he masseur purposely press on the part to make me felt the pain. the thought of it recall the image of me shouting. shitttttt. 

Mum was telling me that I was talking when I was sleeping and I was grinding my teeth. That sounds scary, I am probably quite stressed up with school. I do feel the stress coming like the things I have to study and stuff, catching up with my work and the worst part is the uncertainty of my performance for finals. University aren't a place for your Cs, Ds, Es. You're probably screwed with that, I mean I don't really like studying in the first place but I know I have to give my best, I aren't going in to spend my mum's money getting really crappy results right? That the harsh truth of my pressure from school. Time is tight but there's only one and only me. 

let's take it one step at a time, if it works it will work. 

If it doesn't, it doesn't.

time will be the best witness. 

lent me your shoulder/

feeling so shagged after writing this post//