Late night thought (s)

Thinking thinking.

Does a girl in a relationship tends to tear more often than usual?

Mum was saying maybe we can be out for dim sum together tomorrow then there was a change of plan. So I thought we could just head to town shop and have dim sum ourselves instead. Then she's saying she has to do her account work. Why when it is one plan it works than the other it doesn't? Sometimes i can't help to feel like she only tries to grab me when I am not around and when I am around, sometimes she just takes me for granted. So I am wondering whether I should just make plan for myself and not stay home tomorrow then I am afraid she feels lonely. This is oh so contradicting.

Whatever, just gonna rot at home instead.

So many things I wanna do just nobody to do with me or I should say I dont want to interfere with others' life. I should really start doing what I want by myself. A walk in the nature, finding food I wanna try, wanting others to make time for me is just a foolish wish. Because nobody would. So instead of hoping for that, I should just shut the world and head out myself.

Maybe I always wanted someone to put me on the top of their priority list just that I realised nobody would. And maybe, just maybe only I can be that person to do that to myself. Understanding this is one thing, doing is the other. But oh well, recognising the problem is the first step, let's take it step by step.

Even I am tired of myself tearing so frequently.