Nobody know how much you deserve to be loved other than yourself. 

累了。

Dichan.

It's late at night, the night hasn't really been very good decide to release my emotion here.

Quiz for thermo, really tried to push myself to the limit but still didn't managed to achieve what I wanted, quite disappointed but what to do I already gave my best. Felt really lousy :/

Now lying on the bed; refusing to fall asleep and thinking about stuff suddenly felt my throat feeling itchy. Oh well, feels like my body gonna fall on me when times gonna get just tougher and tougher :/ life just have to treat me like that.

Late night thought (s)

Thinking thinking.

Does a girl in a relationship tends to tear more often than usual?

Mum was saying maybe we can be out for dim sum together tomorrow then there was a change of plan. So I thought we could just head to town shop and have dim sum ourselves instead. Then she's saying she has to do her account work. Why when it is one plan it works than the other it doesn't? Sometimes i can't help to feel like she only tries to grab me when I am not around and when I am around, sometimes she just takes me for granted. So I am wondering whether I should just make plan for myself and not stay home tomorrow then I am afraid she feels lonely. This is oh so contradicting.

Whatever, just gonna rot at home instead.

So many things I wanna do just nobody to do with me or I should say I dont want to interfere with others' life. I should really start doing what I want by myself. A walk in the nature, finding food I wanna try, wanting others to make time for me is just a foolish wish. Because nobody would. So instead of hoping for that, I should just shut the world and head out myself.

Maybe I always wanted someone to put me on the top of their priority list just that I realised nobody would. And maybe, just maybe only I can be that person to do that to myself. Understanding this is one thing, doing is the other. But oh well, recognising the problem is the first step, let's take it step by step.

Even I am tired of myself tearing so frequently.

Bad.

I ask why my day always end on a bad note each day the  I remind myself " I am the director of this 'show' in my life, it's me who let all these happen" feeling really really down, not even done with settling my relationship problems, mum just had to bring out my academic problems.

Just trying to make me like a problematic kid with one after another problems piling up. This moment I really feel very useless, sometimes I really tough when it comes to making friends. That's the whole problem why I am struggling with my academic result, I dont know and I don't know who to ask because I had like no friends in my school. Feels really like a pathom student. Ninja to school and back to hall. I remember how hard I tried to join my jc clique and make friends with them. Mum just had to pull me down asking how hard is it, doubting me, she just doesn't understand the barrier I have. I guess nobody do. They just say, since when they undergo what I go through? 

Things I am grateful for despite today being a very bad day:
1. Made it for work on time 
2. Ate the nice kway chap.
3. Ate ding tai fung with chans.
4. Get to celebrate yushan mini celebration. 

Time for bed.

Morning glory.

It's a whole new day. Think I'm gonna be late, was reading this article and think this phrase is very relatable to me.

"We all look like sh*t sometimes – but she doesn’t need to hear you say it."

Waiting for the bus to bring me to work. Moving slowly, slowly. Legs still feeling rather uncomfortable, hope I recover soon. Didn't really sleep well yesterday night, shivered for I dont know what reason. Tired day ahead..

Is it that

Is it that because you are attached you get more emotionally easily... then again the tears almost fill my eyes. I really wonder how many times do I need before I become stronger, back to the person I used to be. Feels so much like a weakling. Guess I've chosen the hardest "work" in life thus far, going through it makes my emotions going on a rollar coaster ride. It's tiring at times, sometimes I do feel like running away but glad I stikl managed to face the problem be it the people make me face it or I choose the face it eventually,  it hasn't been easy because it wasn't exactly what the me may do. Instead of just thinking through the sad part I shall put now the things I am grateful for the day.
1. Mummy heating bee hoon she cooked yesterday for my breakfast.
2. Making to work on time although it has been a week I haven't taken bus to work.
3. Meeting bff for dinner.
4. Able to have htht session with her after a long long while.
5. Able to talk on the phone with meh (although it didn't turn out well at the end but I'm still happy we get to talk on the phone)
6. Had more than enough sleep previous night. 

That's all folks, time for bed.
may everything be gone tomorrow morning. 
No more toubles.